Hope everyone is doing well? I kind of forgot about my blog until tonight and just had the urge to get back on it!
My partner said I should try to Vlog instead on my YouTube channel. But I’d much rather write, I find it easier to express myself through writing, And besides I hate the sound of my own voice and the YouTube videos always cringe me out.
Lots has changed again, I’m now engaged and have been for almost a year. I also have moved into a new place October 2015, and it’s actually a house! I spoke to a mortgage advisor but unfortunately on my wage on my own it’s impossible at the moment for me to buy anywhere so still renting. I actually had to go take out a credit card just so I can start building up my credit rating also.
I’m still working at an Opticians, all is going okay there at the moment.
Anyway I’d really love to hear what you guys have been doing?
I’ve been meaning to blog again for a while now, so much has changed since I was last online.
I’ve moved into a new flat and absolutely love it! I’ve also got some help with my depression and I am in the process of sorting out counselling. I keep having lots of ups and downs but they are to be expected and I hope they can be fixed!
This is just a mini blog but hopefully I’ll be back soon with some proper stuff.
So about a month ago me and my boyfriend of 3 years ended our relationship. After having a good old think I couldn’t see it going anywhere and it just seemed to fizzle out. We were both very upset but obviously I knew what was coming so am handling the whole thing alot better.
I’ve now started to notice people dropping off my friends list on Facebook, and gay mutual friends worming there way in to his life. Doing the old ‘like’ on every single photo and status he posts up. This is the thing that annoys me the most. I’ve also noticed my ex is now suddenly friends with alot of other gay guys on Facebook which also annoys me.
Pretty much everything annoys me at the moment, these people are like vultures waiting for the relationship to die so they can swoop in and take their pickings. And of course, I’m the bitch because I ended the relationship. Apart from my best friend I’ve had nobody ask how I am or give me any support.
But I am now focusing on work and moving house so looking forward to a hopefully better future for myself.
So I’ve been in my new place for over a month now and as nice as it is being free of family etc I still find myself going through major low points. I find myself locked away in my box room most of the time just keeping myself to myself and avoiding the dreaded socialising with housemates.
My relationship is also rocky, because of me. No matter how many cringe worthy quotes I read like ‘live every day like it’s your last’ I just can’t pick myself up. I actually quite enjoy being at work as it keeps my mind occupied and I can have a laugh with my colleagues and forget about my problems so to speak.
I’m sure I’m destined for happiness but how the hell do I get there?
So on Friday night my stepdad got arrested for assaulting me and my sister. It all started because I left some hair clippings on MY bedroom floor.
My Mums husband is a very strange aggressive man and on quite a few occasions he’s lost his ‘cool’. He’s pushed me before but I’ve never done anything about it. On Friday night though after he threw me across my bedroom fortunately my Boyfriend called the police as he was downstairs.
My Mums husband was arrested and taken to the local police station to be put in for the night. After making a statement I immediately proceeded to pack my every belonging into my BMW compact, notice the word ‘Compact’. I left the house and my bedroom empty planning on never returning or seeing either of them again.
I’ve been staying at my boyfriends house the last couple of nights but yesterday I found a nice room to rent. I feel so relieved that I can finally be free of the hell I was living in and start my own life without them.
You may wonder why I’m hating on my Mum so much but she stuck by her husband the whole way through all this. She doesn’t give a shit that he assaulted two of her children. And she hasn’t even been in contact with me to see how I am, she has her priorities severely mixed up. My sister is also in the same situation as me and turned to my Dad for help, as you can guess he denied her the spare room at his place. Maybe he’s to settled with his girlfriend?
Right now I think I probably have some of the worst parents. But I’m happy that I’ve found a place and can move on.
The people that you expect to be there for you the most can sometimes be the ones that aren’t there for you at all, I no longer have a Mum and Dad. They are just people to me, fucked up people.
This is only going to be a short post but I really wanted to say a few words.
I have just watched a horrific video of a Gay African Man being beaten and then burned to death by an anti-gay mob of men in broad daylight. This happened in Uganda in broad daylight in the middle of a busy road, cars actually honking and driving round the man burning to death under a pile of wood in the road. Not one person tried to save him, hundreds stood around and watched but did nothing.
I think it’s probably the most horrific and upsetting video I’ve ever seen, I’m beyond shocked. On Christmas Eve I am sat in my room thinking about this poor young man and nearly crying. I don’t think there is much more for me to say, the title of this post says it all really.
A few months ago I set up my own Facebook Page called Gay Equalityy (2 Y’s) and this horrific video has given me so much more motivation and passion to raise awareness of what’s going on in the world and what is happening to these people.
Whether you are LGBT or Straight I would be extremely grateful if you could give my page a like and help me raise awareness, Please.
I remember when I was a kid and Christmas was all about family and presents, probably the same for most people right? Dad would always wake us up and get the Christmas tunes going on the old cassette player before putting dinner in the oven. It was good until my Mum and Dad separated then it was just up to us to choose where we’d want to be on Christmas day and spend the day with one of the parents. Every year it got worse and worse just like the family situation, My Mum and Dad probably haven’t seen each other for as long as I can remember, Shame they couldn’t put things aside and stop hating each other for the sake of their Children really.
As the years went on I became detached from the so called Family. And now Christmas is not about Family for me, It’s about having some days off work and spending time with my partner, forget the presents and food, just some time off with him. Forgive me for hating the whole ‘Christmas is a time for Family’ thing, but for some of us it really isn’t and I admit I have a bitterness about ‘Family’
Anyway I don’t want to sound like the Grinch! I’m lucky that my Partners family have welcomed me in and I’ve been invited to Christmas Dinner at his auntie and uncles house which I’d be a fool to say no to.
And I guess you could say I’m contradicting myself but the fact is when I’m sat at the dinner table with a proper family I’m always going to feel emotional.
Whatever your situation, spend Christmas with whatever or whoever makes you happy and relax.
I woke up this morning and just wanted to phone in sick at work, motivation is something I struggle with a lot.
Whilst at work last week I was staring out the window watching this old frail man/woman who happened to be a member of staff at the Sainsbury’s supermarket opposite. He/She was collecting baskets and struggling to pile them up by the door at the front of the store, I kept watching throughout the day as this person (who looked as if they were in their late 60’s at least) kept piling the baskets by the door. I felt emotional and upset that for most people that is life. Being in my very early 20’s I dread to think of another say 40-50 years of working as it is a routine I struggle with even at this stage of my working life.
It’s weird how much I was thinking into things as I was watching this person, It kind of gave me a little bit of motivation and made me that bit more determined to go far in life. But then again it made me feel so deflated at the same time.
Trouble is I’m pretty impatient when It comes to what I want and if I want to be rich or successful I don’t want to have to wait for it! But looks like I’m going to have to bide my time and see where life takes me and hope I make the right decisions along the way.
I am hoping this Blog is going to be slightly more successful than my old one that I kind of just gave up on. I don’t quite know what I want to achieve from this blog at the moment, maybe some sort of diary that I can look back on for myself? Or most importantly a blog for people to see into my life and read about my experiences past and present.
As said I am Bisexual and this is something that has been quite hard to come to terms with when I first realised and I have gone on a roller coaster of a ride through the good the bad and the ugly.
Everything will be revealed in good time and I hope you enjoy my Blog.
Today I visited Greyhound Close in Hedgend to see what all the hype is about. It was well worth it even though it was raining!
Every house in the close was decorated and they seemed to be raising money for Naomi House charity, I couldn’t believe how busy it was with families everywhere braving the rain under umbrellas.
It was pretty spectacular and well worth a visit if you live nearby.