Hope everyone is doing well? I kind of forgot about my blog until tonight and just had the urge to get back on it!
My partner said I should try to Vlog instead on my YouTube channel. But I’d much rather write, I find it easier to express myself through writing, And besides I hate the sound of my own voice and the YouTube videos always cringe me out.
Lots has changed again, I’m now engaged and have been for almost a year. I also have moved into a new place October 2015, and it’s actually a house! I spoke to a mortgage advisor but unfortunately on my wage on my own it’s impossible at the moment for me to buy anywhere so still renting. I actually had to go take out a credit card just so I can start building up my credit rating also.
I’m still working at an Opticians, all is going okay there at the moment.
Anyway I’d really love to hear what you guys have been doing?
So I’ve been in my new place for over a month now and as nice as it is being free of family etc I still find myself going through major low points. I find myself locked away in my box room most of the time just keeping myself to myself and avoiding the dreaded socialising with housemates.
My relationship is also rocky, because of me. No matter how many cringe worthy quotes I read like ‘live every day like it’s your last’ I just can’t pick myself up. I actually quite enjoy being at work as it keeps my mind occupied and I can have a laugh with my colleagues and forget about my problems so to speak.
I’m sure I’m destined for happiness but how the hell do I get there?
So on Friday night my stepdad got arrested for assaulting me and my sister. It all started because I left some hair clippings on MY bedroom floor.
My Mums husband is a very strange aggressive man and on quite a few occasions he’s lost his ‘cool’. He’s pushed me before but I’ve never done anything about it. On Friday night though after he threw me across my bedroom fortunately my Boyfriend called the police as he was downstairs.
My Mums husband was arrested and taken to the local police station to be put in for the night. After making a statement I immediately proceeded to pack my every belonging into my BMW compact, notice the word ‘Compact’. I left the house and my bedroom empty planning on never returning or seeing either of them again.
I’ve been staying at my boyfriends house the last couple of nights but yesterday I found a nice room to rent. I feel so relieved that I can finally be free of the hell I was living in and start my own life without them.
You may wonder why I’m hating on my Mum so much but she stuck by her husband the whole way through all this. She doesn’t give a shit that he assaulted two of her children. And she hasn’t even been in contact with me to see how I am, she has her priorities severely mixed up. My sister is also in the same situation as me and turned to my Dad for help, as you can guess he denied her the spare room at his place. Maybe he’s to settled with his girlfriend?
Right now I think I probably have some of the worst parents. But I’m happy that I’ve found a place and can move on.
The people that you expect to be there for you the most can sometimes be the ones that aren’t there for you at all, I no longer have a Mum and Dad. They are just people to me, fucked up people.
I remember when I was a kid and Christmas was all about family and presents, probably the same for most people right? Dad would always wake us up and get the Christmas tunes going on the old cassette player before putting dinner in the oven. It was good until my Mum and Dad separated then it was just up to us to choose where we’d want to be on Christmas day and spend the day with one of the parents. Every year it got worse and worse just like the family situation, My Mum and Dad probably haven’t seen each other for as long as I can remember, Shame they couldn’t put things aside and stop hating each other for the sake of their Children really.
As the years went on I became detached from the so called Family. And now Christmas is not about Family for me, It’s about having some days off work and spending time with my partner, forget the presents and food, just some time off with him. Forgive me for hating the whole ‘Christmas is a time for Family’ thing, but for some of us it really isn’t and I admit I have a bitterness about ‘Family’
Anyway I don’t want to sound like the Grinch! I’m lucky that my Partners family have welcomed me in and I’ve been invited to Christmas Dinner at his auntie and uncles house which I’d be a fool to say no to.
And I guess you could say I’m contradicting myself but the fact is when I’m sat at the dinner table with a proper family I’m always going to feel emotional.
Whatever your situation, spend Christmas with whatever or whoever makes you happy and relax.